What's Happening?

Haha. SO, I didn't keep to the thing where I said I wouldn't come online. Really didn't wanna come online but from feeling okay i started feeling shitty all over again so I really couldn't stand it. If i sit in a room without anything distracting me I'll start thinking about things that i really don't want to and it just hurts so this was my escape.

Anyway I shall tell you about my week starting from Monday. On Monday I sent him 'H' a message. I said I was done waiting for him. All i get is disappointment so i was going to move on. He got the message and that night he immediately came to my house. He came here with tears because there was a death in his family and I didn't know. When I found out, I couldn't believe I sent him that message and when he was here I couldn't do anything. He was so far away. All I could do was watch him hurt as my heart slowly ate itself up. The pain was harsh. After telling me what happened he immediately left. He wasn't thinking straight nor was he walking straight enough to drive a car but he didn't listen to me and sped off. That's when the water works started.

On Tuesday was different. I was in school not feeling all that good but managing to keep myself together. It was during drama period with Muranaka sensei. I was sitting at my place while the others were taking turns and trying to make sure that I remembered my lines by repeating it with them. Then, I decided to check my phone and I received a message from 'H' I read it and my heart fell to the floor. I tried to ignore it as much as i could and continued with my lines. I was doing fine. I remembered fine but then my name was called and it was my turn. When I went in front everything I had memorised flew away in that very moment and I couldn't think anymore. All I could think was "You're not going to cry here now!" but then my teacher said "have you remembered your lines?" and my friend said "you miss 'H' too much already" and that hit me as hard a ton of bricks falling from the sky and before I knew it the tears came and I was out of the class. My friend pushed me out as I started to cry. I left everyone in a shock. Especially the guy who was my drama partner. Sorry KIM! n Masako you didn't mean to do anything. =) Everything's all in the past now anyway. At the end of this day I was also confessed to but sadly I really can't accept anyone in my heart right now.

Wednesday, Nothing emotional happened today but we found a new Mickey Mouse and it was a hellofalot of fun making fun of him. Had a good day. =)

Thursday was a very weird day. lol. We had Essay writing class but the last essay we completed was the last essay for us this semester. So instead of writing a new essay for this one last class our teacher made all of us give a 2 minute speech which was nerve wrecking to all of us. Everyone was stuttering and had no idea what in the world to say because it was a spur of the moment speech. Then when Li ee made her speech about kyouikugaku someone was doing their homework and Tateyama sensei saw and she took it away from that person. She got so upset that she took the homework and tore it up in front of everyone while saying "ahhh zannen desu" and she started crying then she gave us this talk about how we're always doing homework during class and how we never pay attention but she thought we would listen when she gave us this speech thing because it's our friends talking and we always listen to our friends. Her crying made half the class (mainly girls) cry. Then she started pulling names out to continue the speech thing. She called Ruben but he was too upset he couldn't do it then she called Lyn and she, for i dunno what reason was crying so bad and she started to apologise to sensei and then she made sensei cry again and then she (lyn) went out of class. Then teacher pulled out another name. I was hoping to god it wouldn't be me since such an emotional thing just happened, I didn't wanna have to handle the burden but HEH! It was me she called. I gave my speech and I almost cried as well. It was supposed to be a 2 minute speech but I kept talking and talking and when i finally stopped Muranaka sensei said "that was about 4 minutes" I was like O.O SENSEI!!!! omg. She never even told me 2 mins was up. GAH well that was thursday. Crying day lol.

Now Friday, during recess as we were headed to Midvalley, Me, Jimi & Basyi. My shoe rosak. I couldn't walk in it anymore so I walked barefooted to Midvalley while carrying my shoes. Jimi and Basyi were supposed to help me find shoes so we walked around looking but we couldn't think cause we were hungry so we went to to eat first xD After eating we went to Jusco and finally found a pair of shoes. They're so pretty and Basyi picked them out for me lol he has good taste actually lol and he was nice enough to help me pay for them first since I didn't have money at the time so shall have to pay him back Monday. Well during this whole time in Mid with them I was the subject to be bullied. They made so many names, took pictures of me walking barefooted, made my hair as if it were a fire place, and etc etc etc. Gah this was all so random.

That's why this week was a seriously weird week. & to all of you who I made worry Hontouni Gomenasai, Especially Muranaka sensei & Kim. Gomen ne. xD

-Ippo Zutsu-

Return.

Just to say.

Watashi wa mukashi no watashi ni modorimasu. I'm going back to the old me.. dakara.. therefore.. I'm not going to be onlining on weekdays. I have a lot of preparations and catching up to do with my work.. seriously a mountain. will come on on weekends i guess. Will miss you fauza! xD haha. text me if anything. You too syaza! I know you'll text me so yeah xD haha! I LOVE YOU GUYS. =D

I really hope i keep to what I've just written here. Anyway gtg now. bye2.

Obaasan Jyanai!

Well hello there! I finally have something nice to talk about. I'm also working on not being such a sour puss. Trying to get back to the normal me. =)

Well yesterday was my (japanese) okaasan's birthday so as I normally do, these past two years, I called her to wish her. I didn't know what to say to her much so after awhile she passed the phone to...jeng jeng jeng.. YUUKI! whee~ xD Hahaha hence the happiness. =P We talked a lot! lots lots about all kinds of things. I told him about what was currently happening in my life and he finally showed interest in my life =) haha okie to a point where I'm happy. He kept making fun of me though (big surprise there =.='') and aww he does care about me but maybe i have totally screwed myself. I promised to eat VEGETABLES! O.O damn. Ah well shouganai ne. Tabenakya! He's so sweet. He's still very sweet even now =) Hence why I love him so much haha! We talked for over an hour then okaasan asked to pass the phone back to her because Yuuki was up passed his bedtime lol. Then when I was talking to my okaasan (finally had lots to say) the phone line cut. X_X! rawr! Ah well. I sent her a message but I have no idea whether she received it or not. Gah! Owh yeah! I asked Yuuki for his number and he said he was thinking the exact same thing =D so very happy. Now I have Yuuki's number hehe but I have to figure out how to send messages to Japan. I need the area code. Ahhhh mendou mendou.. maa ii ya! At least I have the number deshou? ^^

I was very high in school today. Didn't know why till i remembered Yuuki and went OWH! Now I Get It! xD LOL.

-Take a step at a time-

Spoilers.

To those of you who like to spoil things for other people (i.e. a book, a movie, a series, etc) could you just keep quiet?

I HATE SPOILERS. I also hate people WHO SPOIL IT FOR YOU. I mean seriously, you watch or read or wtv to find out on YOUR OWN, you don't need anyone else butting in and giving you the details of the thing before you've found out! I mean seriously what's the point if you already know? Then when you're doing whatever you're doing, you already know what's happening and it takes the thrill out of everything! because you'll only be anticipating what you already know that you can't enjoy it! Seriously so can't you people who enjoy spoiling it for other people just keep quiet. If you want us to, we'll spoil it for you but for our cases just keep quiet. If we don't ask, don't tell. =.=''

Self.

Okay It's time to get your head straight and back on the right path! You have no time to simply go around the way you are. You have to get back your resolve, if you don't you'll never be able to reach what you want and you'll never be able to get to where you wanna be! You can't keep feeling down and taking your own sweet time to recover. This is important! This is you future! Take the initiative! Move forward! Make yourself useful! GO!

Note to self.

For You Who Won't Read This.

Hye there. Just here to let you know that my heart has been torn, stepped on and set ablaze. I never knew this would happen. Never expected it to. Never expected you to be this way. Even so, I don't hate you. I have no power to hate you. I don't even want to but I do know I need to be free from you because in the end we're the ones getting hurt. If we're meant to be someday we'll return to this point in time but right now we need to live apart. I miss you. Goodbye.

& this feeling of mine that I've just written here you'll never understand.

Gah.

Well I guess this will be my last day to post in awhile since college starts 2moro. I haven't finished my homework. Apparently I still have a lot. I have no idea what I was thinking but even now I still just feel like leaving it in a corner and just taking a break. I think I may have started going crazy or my old habits from high school are coming back. Whichever it is I need to snap out of it. This month is crucial. I have exams in November. Gosh What am I thinking! gah.

On another topic. Sometimes I don't know... Okay, scratch that. I NEVER know what he's thinking. I don't know whether he's happy enough with me or I'm just not enough for him. I don't know what he wants from me. I doubt he trusts me. What in the world are we doing if we don't have trust in this? He compares me to others. I don't mind but he compares me to others and picks the others over me. It might be a joke I guess, doesn't change the fact that it hurts. More than that, he also brings up things that don't have to be. He'll start making himself feel bad and like I'm going to leave him by comparing himself to others. By making it look like I would rather go to other people than stay with him. He has no faith in me. Then he'd say I'm pushing him away. I think it's the other way around here. Maybe it's because I'm his first so that's the reason why he's being like this but I don't know how long I can take being pounded on, feeling like the bad guy, feeling like I have to change myself for him because the me now just isn't enough, but changing myself isn't the answer here. What I have to do is force some sense into him. Although it will be hard because even when I try to talk to him most of the time he doesn't understand. Lack of life experiences? Maybe. Whatever it is I need to try but I'm scared because in the end somehow everything turns back to me and once again I'm the bad one. Sometimes I wish I was alone.

Painful Dream?

You know what? Last night I had a dream about vampires. I was human of course but for some reason I was special? Like Cross Yuuki for Vampire Knight. No matter how many times she got bitten by Zero she never turned into a vampire herself. Yeah so I was like that too. The vampires were my friends? I'm not too clear but one wanted to bite me.. She asked for permission I let her. In my dream I was asleep in the exact same position I was sleeping in real life.. Well she came down and bit me by my shoulders and I could feel the pain.. Then I woke up and when I woke up I felt the exact same pain at the exact same spot where I was bitten. It was a very weird start to my day /swt.

Anyway! I'm supposed to be doing my homework today but I really really don't want to! GAH! I'm so worn out from all of this. I wonder how long I can still last. Haha. I'll do it later.. at night. I hope... Time's running out O.O!

Btw Happy Introduction Anniversarry Hey! Say! JUMP. 2 years now. Kore kara mo ouensuru yo! ganbatte ne ^^

Raya 09

gokigenyo! hehe

atashi no raya wa doudeshita ka? 1st day was taihen yokatta yo! it was a very nice day.. haha okay it always somehow or rather ends up boring but it's still a nice day filled with nice memories. Plus, this year everyone was so fascinated by my hair it was so funny. So the colour changed.. not all that drastic though.. it didn't end up blonde as i was planning it to be.. ah well..

I went to 5 houses on the 1st day. More than usual. Usually either 2 or 3 only. Went to dad's side grandparents then to his ex girfriends house.. weird yes i know.. then to my mom's side.. then to syaza's then to uncle jojo's haha how can we miss that last house. It's our source of duit raya! lol. evil yes but heh.. I had a lot of fun with my cousins but as usual at graddaddy's Minzy was missing during the day.. she went at night when i wasn't there. Gah.. At Buk's house was funny when we wanted to go to Syaza's, Mack bangang.. he said i was going to drive the car cause we were gonna use his mom's car n his mom won't let him drive cause he failed his test.. my license pon belum dpt.. dah pass tapi xde license u mau i buat ape laaaaa. xD in the end Aida drove so wheee. Haha taihen ureshikatta I got to see him that day itself demo i think i was too colourful? or too red lmao! but happy.. Sya and i we keep exchanging a paper bag.. i'll give it back to her then vice versa haha it's the bag we use when i lend CDs to her so yeah.. I went gila with Fauza kejap.. and that girl ahhhh.. she wouldn't stop looking at my hair! =.= nyeh... ah well.. Malam when we went to Uncle Jojo's house it was as usual a big thing.. and he now has his own hard rock cafe in his home plus his office in the house looks like the white house.. as in literally.. he made his house the exact replica of parts of the white house and he built a hard rock cafe in his house with pictures of him and all the artist he met in his life.. well he is the owner of hard rock KL.. nyehh ahh well.. This is what ppl with lotsa money do when they dunno what else to do with their money.. use it on things u don't exactly need haha. It would be nice to live so carefreely though. nyeh..

As for yesterday I went to Seremban to see Uncle Shen. He wasn't in Seri Menanti.. He went back to Seremban so yeah.. It was funny.. Being all intimidated in front of him then when us cousins sat at a different table we all jadi gila haha.. makan byk gila smpi kuih in the jar nak habis xD then when we were eating proper food we even planned on taking souvenirs.. Me the tissue, My brother the fork and spoon, Nana the top plate and Baz the botton plate.. why are these things at all valuable? well because they have the royal enblem on them haha.. funny sheet.. haha esp baz being the blur one he is xD then malam went to Dira's house.. It was okay.. had some laughs.. saw Ely in a very long time! Missed her. Met new ppl.. and ate good food.. went back at 10.30 then went to my dad's friend's house in BU.. OMG they have an extremely cute kitten! NOW I WANT A KITTEN! GAHHH!! PAAAAA~

koko de owari. jya ne!

Things.

Hello there! ohisashiburi deshou? =)
I'm finally on holiday again! Okay I could have posted on the weekends but somehow my time always just went missing.. just like that. *snaps fingers* i would constantly go crazy thinking omg where has my time gone.. but seriously i dunno where it goes.. i barely get to do anything then time's up, it's Monday. wahseii.. x_x

Anyway time to talk. I have excellent news! I've passed my driving test! I'll be getting my 'P' license soon! Owh so very soon i'll be able to drive myself =) but i don't wanna drive my father in my car. Hmph. My love life is currently okay. I have no idea why but today I'm just so happy thinking about him lol. I can't help smiling but actually we hvnt spoken the whole day. Gah. That, I'm not so happy about but for some weird reason I'm smiling thinking about him. haha. Maybe it's cause I'm in such a good mood with my holiday being here and everything hehe.

Raya's the day after 2moro! omgosh it's so fast! Owh and my Baju Kebaya is already ready and it's effing awesome! I love it! It's red. Lol. Reminds me of the movie I watched in form 3. The red kebaya. Lmao. I miss Mayven right now. Ah well.. 2moro I'm gonna colour my hair for raya.. Wheeee~ Can't wait. Hehe.. what colour? u'll find out sooner or later la k? haha. 2moro's gonna be fun =) or so i hope xD

On not so happy news....... YamaP has a.........

GIRLFRIEND?????!!!!

Her name is Seira Kagami. 1/2 Canadian 1/2 Japanese. I'm now stalking her.. Noooooooo my YamaP =( gahhh owh well..

I WISH YOU HAPPINESS!

I STILL LOVE YOU YAMAP! ♥

Well that's all for now. I can't make a special post for my Yu-chan yet cause all my pictures of him are in the old pc. Until those pics are transferred into this pc I'm at a loss. Sorry Yu-chan! Well then, Bye!